Feeling Like an Imposter

Feeling Like an Imposter 

Monday, August 29, 2011 

I've been on the SP site for seven weeks now. I track what I eat. I stay in my calorie range, and after the first couple of weeks I started watching the macronutrients and staying in those ranges. 

I climbed back on the fitness bandwagon, walking more regularly, lifting weights, and actually using the gym I'm paying for. Last week I started training to run, with the aspiration of being able to run 3.5 miles nonstop at the end of next May. 

The system is working. In seven weeks, I lost 11 pounds and the clothes that were tight are now comfortably loose. I'm not lifting as much weight as I did at my peak, but the strength is coming back. This weekend I weighed in at a 20 year low, though the weight has since bounced back up a little with rehydration. 

And sometimes I feel like an imposter. What the heck am I doing here, with a lousy 21 pounds to lose (10 now), and fitness that came right back after 3 or 4 weeks of actually doing it? There are people here who have lost 50 or 100 pounds. There are people here who started out so obese that just getting off the couch was exercise, and they managed to turn themselves into runners. There are people here who are losing weight in spite of medical conditions that limit their ability to run, or even to walk. There are people here who work their butts off to lose a half pound a week. 

I have it easy. I may not be young any more; AARP wants me to join. But I'm pretty healthy, and not *that* much overweight. Yes, I desperately need the nutrition tracker. Yes, the stupid motivational tricks are really helping me actually exercise, as opposed to thinking about exercising. But still, I sometimes feel like I'm freeloading on a system that was built for people who need it a lot worse than I do. 

Sometimes I read about a situation that is so far from what I experience that I just can't think of a way to offer support without sounding holier than thou. And then I wonder, what the heck am I doing here? 

Then I take a deep breath and think about it. I'm here to develop habits that will maintain a healthy weight. I'm here because I am going to have to track what I eat for the rest of my life. I'm here because just posting a status that says I will go to the gym commits me, and then I actually DO go to the gym. I'm here because some of the other people here have some pretty good ideas that I can use in my own life. I'm here for pretty much the same reasons the people who look like they belong here are. 

I'm here because my diet and fitness are better when I'm here than they were when I wasn't here. That's enough. If I happen to help anyone else too, that's a bonus.